I’m sad to confirm that the rumors(1) are true: I am boxing(2) up my life in DC and setting my U-Haul on a southward course to take on the leisurely life of a law student(3) for three short(4) years.

So please take a few minutes on the evening(5) of May 7 to join me as I remember the reasons that I love and will miss DC(6); create new memories(7) to get me through the social famine of the... [read more]

I’m sad to confirm that the rumors(1) are true: I am boxing(2) up my life in DC and setting my U-Haul on a southward course to take on the leisurely life of a law student(3) for three short(4) years.

So please take a few minutes on the evening(5) of May 7 to join me as I remember the reasons that I love and will miss DC(6); create new memories(7) to get me through the social famine of the next 36 months; and say goodbye to the great friends(8, 9) that I have made here.

Notes:
(1) Rumors purveyed by M/s Pulver, Semenas, and Nassau notwithstanding.
(2) A complete inventory of packing containers is expected to include boxes, suitcases, Target bags, and hobo sacks composed from bed sheets, as the awareness of the impending departure deadline and my poor planning increases.
(3) Strenuousness of law school confirmed via case study of Legally Blonde.
(4) Assessment of length or brevity considered a matter of subjectivity and may reflect unfounded hope on the part of the speaker.
(5) “Evening”, for the purposes of this specific event, may be construed to mean from 10:00 o’clock until last call.
(6) “DC”, as defined here, is constituted by the area falling within a 15-block radius of the intersection of New Hampshire and 17th streets; including the conservatively-defined neighborhoods of Eastern Market, Woodley Park, Cleveland Park, Van Ness, Penn Quarter, the Mall, Georgetown, and H Street Corridor; excluding any non-fixed area in which the tourist-to-resident ratio is, at any time, greater than 3:1.
(7) Event planner will not be held liable, if memory of evening subsequently proves to be incomplete.
(8) “Friends” liberally-defined to include others' significant others, acquaintances, plus ones, mortal enemies, and (toward the end of the evening) strangers cohabiting the event space.
(9) Friends who have since immigrated to other cities and/or countries are hereby expected to return to DC for attending this event.